Day 579 of no air conditioning (its been like 3 days)
I’ve done just about everything I was told to do by my ex-husband. Son was a huge help - he got all the dust and stuff vacuumed out and helped me by rearranging the things around the air conditioner so that we have a good wide and clear path to it. We are going to need it if Ex-Husband can’t fix it and I need to call an AC repairman.
I was hoping to find one with a female on the crew but haven’t had any luck yet.
My boobs are sooooo hot right now and I don’t mean that in a sexy way. In fact, I think this is the least sexy my breasts have ever been. I can’t stand wearing a bra so I never wear them at home, but I may have to rethink that because hot skin touching hot skin right now is pretty much the most awful amount of discomfort I am facing. I can’t tell you how many times I have been in that shower on full cold water blasting down on me. I have purposefully tried to get so cold that I could thaw out overnight.
No such luck.
The humidity from monsoon season is killing me lol My hair looks like I stuck my wet finger in a light socket and decided to do it twice. My kids never say I look anything other than absolutely beautiful but my Fiance….”You look crazy.” Thanks my love. Thanks.
Lately I’ve been on the hunt for a job. Its going great if you count all the offers for contract work - not so good if you need something with permanency. And insurance. Fiance can carry me on his insurance with the kids but it’s going to be pricey. I hate that we live in a country without basic necessities such as health care. It literally makes no damn sense why we even have insurance companies to deal with. But thats a rant for another day.
I have the strangest urge to cut my hair completely off. To really sever my tie to the past. Its symbolic in nature. Many women in Native communities cut their hair for a variety of reasons, but letting go of the past and choosing to go forward is a big one. Especially when you are cutting someone from your heart and life. I’m losing my hair anyway - Endometriosis related - so I was thinking of just killing two birds with the one stone. I don’t know if it will look beautiful and I don’t much care. I think I just want to break the connection.
My daughter has been struggling with her feelings concerning her dad (Ex). Most of the time she refuses to talk to him. I’ve convinced her to do it on several occassions but when she her dad making me upset or being an asshole to her brother there is no convincing her. She has suctioned herself to her other dad’s side (Fiance). Fiance never talks shit about EX-Husband - which I am forever grateful for. He just sits with her outside for a couple hours and listens to music and talks about random things.
It’s the same thing he did in the past to Ex-Husband when Ex was having a hard time. That was ten years ago, I’d be really surprised if Ex even remembered. It was a beautiful start to our story and Fiance was such a kind and gentle and funny person back then. Our kids went demonic for several years and that changed us all.
I don’t know if I’ll tell our story here. Maybe I’ll just write us into a story and give us a happier ending. Maybe that’s how I’ll let it all go and save my hair - I am, if nothing else, the tiniest bit vain of my hair. Its long and beautiful and hopefully not too gray. Hopefully. I’ve definitely got my silver wings.
Ok, the boobs have reached temperature LAVA and need to cool down. Pray for me folks, I’m fucking melting.